The Right To Speak |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I have a little problem that has been going on for a long time. I
have no feelings whatsoever for anyone or anything. I feel so numb
it isn't funny. Or rather I should say this is the face I show the
world.
I can't even say I love you to my mom though I love her dearly. I
can't express my emotions to others at all. If I express my
feelings, I'll be hurt. A lot happened in my life to cause me to
choose not to be emotionally involved.
My dad and I were close when I was younger, but after my parents'
divorce I never had a relationship with him. I was exposed to many
physical encounters that were not appropriate for a child, but no
one else knows about that and my family doesn't understand me.
This affects my relationship with men and people in general. I am
wounded at 21. I only seem to attract people who use and hurt me.
I'm tired of holding in the pain, but I don't know what to do
anymore.
Christy
Christy, you know where you got lost. It was when you were
molested. That needs to be dealt with now. None of us can live
with a discrepancy between our interior world and the exterior
world.
Numbness, emotional withholding, and the inability to say "I love
you" are textbook signs of sexual abuse. Right now you think your
problem is unique. If you knew others with your background, you
would see how much you have in common.
The first step, and the most difficult, is finding a support group
or individual working with people who have had your experience.
When it occurred, you were too young and vulnerable to do anything
about it. You tried to close the door on your pain. But closing
the door on pain also closed the door on truth and happiness.
You have a right to breathe fully, to speak freely, and to live
completely. You have a right to connect with others in an open and
honest way. But harsh experience took those rights away from you.
Finding your voice again will explain a lot to those close to you.
Finding your voice will free you.
Someone once said, "If you weren't scared, then you weren't brave."
It is time to be brave and reclaim your birthright as a human
being.
Wayne & Tamara
First Comes Love
I wish I could tell you my story but it is so long. It is a
classic love story between a man who is 45 and a young woman, 22.
This is the problem. Our relationship is based on passion. There
is only passion.
We meet once a month and sex is everything. I am a very modest
girl, and because of that he likes me. Often he says he wants our
relationship to last, but in the beginning he said not to grow too
fond of him. I think he is protecting himself from me.
I am not sure if there is any serious woman in his life, but I am
afraid I am falling in love with him. I need him and want him to
be mine. Is it possible he feels the same for me? Could I ask him
without destroying our relationship?
Maria
Maria, when a woman has sex, her thoughts goes in one of two
directions. Either I am in love and loved, or I am not loved. If
it is love, it's okay. If it's just sex, I am something I don't
want to be. For a woman, if the relationship involves sex, it's
serious.
This man is not offering you love or sharing his life. You are not
even dating. He is meeting you for sex. In an attempt to save
your self-respect you want him to love you.
Tamara |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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