Last Regrets |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I've met this wonderful woman and she is available and willing, but
I am still married. I have not filed for divorce because my lawyer
tells me I have too much to lose.
I am miserable with my wife and want to share my life with this
other woman. I'm afraid if I stall too long I will lose her. But
I cannot get past losing everything I've worked for all my life.
What should I do? I know my new love won't wait forever.
Fritz
Fritz, how do you feel about the stuff you have accumulated?
That's the issue. Do you love your stuff, or is it love you are
looking for? Has stuff been a substitute for love all along? How
much stuff would you need if you had love?
Gathering is often a symptom of being unable to start or maintain
relationships. The chronic gatherer tries to buy moments of
pleasure by accumulating. It is the one security they have. But
as you age, what are you running out of? Stuff, or life itself.
What will you regret on your deathbed? That you didn't have more
stuff, or that you didn't have love?
We are not telling you to get divorced. We are telling you to make
up your mind how you feel about stuff. If you love the stuff, stay
with the stuff. And be the best husband you can be to your wife.
Don't mistreat her, because if you are cheating on her, you are
mistreating her.
Don't make three people miserable. Don't lead another woman on if
you don't intend to be with her. You are not faced with a choice
between these two women. It's a choice between stuff, and life and
love and emotion.
Lawyers are good at establishing trusts, writing wills and
conserving assets, but affairs of the heart are beyond the scope of
the law. You have a decision to make, and it's not one your
attorney can make for you.
Wayne & Tamara
Damned If You Do
Just a quick question on etiquette. My mother and one of my uncles
had a big fight a few years back and have not spoken since. I am
getting married this year. I like my uncle and his wife, even if I
disagree with their behavior way back then.
I think it would be rude not to invite them to the party when I am
inviting everyone else in the family. I know my grandmother would
like that. My mother is not paying for the wedding. Would it be
wrong to invite my uncle knowing the way things are between him and
my mother?
I have a dilemma. I don't want arguing or fighting, but I also
don't want to be rude. What do you think?
Darbi
Darbi, the focus of the wedding day is the couple getting married.
The role of the wedding party, the families, and the wedding guests
is to aid the couple in celebrating and enjoying this day. Their
role is to make the memory of this day one the bride and groom will
cherish year after year.
The point and purpose of the wedding isn't to follow rules of
etiquette. They change from generation to generation. The wedding
is a proclamation to the world that this couple intends to love
each other for the rest of their lives. Shame on anyone who would
intentionally sabotage this happy day.
Who should decide on the wedding guests? Hands down it should be
the bride and groom. You like your uncle and his wife. That's not
a question of etiquette.
You are not a party to the fight between your mother and uncle. It
is not your job to preserve their unpleasantness. When you are
faced with a "damned if you do, damned it you don't" situation,
follow your own heart. Make the wedding yours and enjoy!
Tamara
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Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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