An Honest Appraisal |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
When Jeff and I met 15 years ago, we truly believed we were soul
mates. Till this day we've never been bored with each other. We
spend hours together talking, playing, laughing, scheming. People
say he worships the ground I walk on.
He's always been sexual in a boyish way, and when we first met, he
said he no longer lusted after women. He was married to his first
wife then, and she later informed me he would always cheat, even on
me.
Three years into the marriage my 18-year-old son saw Jeff and a
woman outside his apartment. Jeff asked my son if he could use his
place for awhile. Confused, my son agreed and left. I found out
about this five years later when my son felt he had to tell me.
When confronted Jeff denied it.
There was always something suspicious about Jeff. There were
cards, letters, and pictures that suggested he was cheating all
through the marriage. All of the women seemed to be of the same
makeup: weak, uneducated, and single. Jeff denied everything,
tearing up the evidence before my eyes.
Two years ago a woman called me to say she had been having an
affair with Jeff. In fact, on our anniversary, he bought her
flowers. We had a knock-down, drag-out fight and he was arrested.
Like most wives I dropped all charges.
After each episode, Jeff acts his usual cheerful self as if nothing
happened. It makes me want to go out and do the same to him, but I
just can't. Mind you, I'm a good-looking woman with style. Men
are attracted to me. Maybe it sounds crazy, but when Jeff and I
are together, I feel loved. But I also feel betrayed.
There was no more evidence of cheating until a few days ago during
our wonderful, two month vacation in Belize. I traced a hang up
call back to a woman who Jeff was seeing. She said she wouldn't
have been involved unless he was getting a divorce, which he said
he was.
I'm numb. I haven't slept in days, I can't eat, I haven't spoken
20 words to Jeff. I can't even imagine a future anymore. Yet I
know Jeff will never leave on his own. Everything is in my name
and my accounts. I feel sorry for him because I've always been the
breadwinner.
I offered to pay him $10,000 to leave. He refused. He doesn't
want money. If I leave or put him out, what excuse can I give the
family? They believe we are just like honeymooners. Telling the
truth would destroy him, their relationship with him, everything.
Why can't he be faithful?
Hillary
Hillary, asking why he can't be faithful is almost like asking why
he can't be taller. He just isn't. You feel loved by him. So do
all the other women. Making a woman feel loved, overcoming her
scruples with lies, is what he is good at.
After each episode he acts like nothing happened. That is because
nothing has happened to him. He is doing what he has always done.
He is like the boss who tells prospective employees they will have
to work overtime and on Sundays. Once hired, their complaints fall
on deaf ears, and rightfully so. Why? The boss forewarned them
and they accepted the terms.
Being the breadwinner is your plus. That is why he is with you
instead of another woman. He turned down your cash offer because
you are worth more to him than $10,000. You are his base of
operations. Unwittingly you provide him with the means and leisure
to court other women.
Your family, like your son, may well know the truth of your
relationship. You offered them the image of honeymooners. If you
stick with this lie, you will be stuck with it the rest of your
life.
Wayne & Tamara
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Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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