His Perfect Gift |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I am seriously involved with a man I love. I know he loves me and
plans to ask me to marry him. Neither of us is perfect, but we get
along well except for two problems.
First, he refuses to buy me flowers though I have told him
repeatedly how much I love them. The only time I ever got flowers
was once on Valentine's Day after I asked for them. Every time I
mention it, he gets frustrated and tells me he just isn't romantic
that way. He wants me to accept him for who he is and appreciate
the other things he does.
Which leads to my second problem. When he gives me gifts for
Christmas or my birthday, he is always late and it is clear how
much he hates shopping. I got my Christmas gift a week late, and
he took me out for my birthday the day after. He told me to buy my
own gift and give him the bill. He thinks that way I am sure to
get something I like.
I feel stupid when family or friends ask what my boyfriend got me,
and I have to say either nothing or the gift is coming late. This
is not a money issue. He has plenty of that. He says he is too
busy at work to shop, and he thinks I am materialistic because I
measure love through flowers and gifts.
When I buy a gift, I take time to pick something out I know he
would like and use. I'm not stingy about it because, within
reason, money is no object to me if it makes him happy. Other than
this he is a good-hearted, loyal, caring man who is always there
when I need him. But this has caused me to dread holidays.
Alana
Alana, if you feel being with this man is a compromise, then look
elsewhere. Don't ask him to have a quality, like being an artist,
which he does not have. But if you can recognize each other's
talents, you have a future together.
Let him do what he is good at. You have a knack for finding the
right gift. If you assume the gift selection duties, you always
get what you want, and it will always be on time. On the next
holiday, you can proudly show your friends and family the beautiful
strand of cultured pearls he gave you.
Wayne
Brave Heart
How do I make the first move? The lady I am interested in is a
coworker. The glances we give each other are like two lost puppies
trying to find their way home. It's obvious she wants me to make
the first move. But since I'm a complete worm, is there an easy
way to do it?
She is stunningly attractive. I think guys are intimidated by
someone so lovely looking. I know there is no such thing as love
at first sight, since it basically means infatuation. I don't want
to be infatuated with her. I want to be where things could turn
into real love.
I could just buy her a soda during lunch break and start talking to
her, but she always sits with girlfriends. I don't want her to
fall in the arms of another guy. I mean she could be my destiny.
Thad
Thad, there is no need to give this lady anything. Just ask if you
can join the group she sits with and see what unfolds. Offers in
the workplace require more thought than the dance floor. Rejection
could affect both your personal and work life.
If she is not interested, widen your scope. You don't limit
yourself to one store to find shoes. Whatever happens, don't be
discouraged. When you ask out three women and get two no's, you
have one more yes than you would have gotten doing nothing.
Tamara
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Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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