Tiger By The Tail |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I need help. The woman I am seeing is the most incredible person I
have ever known. We get along wonderfully, love the same things,
and the sex is indescribable. The problem is after orgasm I get
very sick to my stomach. This has never happened to me
before.ever! What's the deal?
Ken
Ken, a friend once told me about a dream he had. He was standing
on a beach surf casting when he felt an enormous tug on his line.
He jerked his rod back hard, and his catch flew over his head and
landed behind him. When he turned to see what he caught, he saw he
had a tiger by the tail. The tiger advanced on him, marching him
into the sea.
He woke in a sweat and instantly understood what the dream meant.
He was having an affair with a married woman, and he needed to end
it. Somewhere in your story is a tiger, though you omitted it from
your letter.
Is this woman married to someone else? Are you? Is she your
student, or too young, or the child of a close friend? Is she your
subordinate? What tiger has your stomach twisted in knots? When
you answer that question, you will have our answer.
Wayne
All The Lonely People
Hopefully you two can give me guidance. I am a 35-year-old woman
living alone, never married. But that's not the problem. I feel
like I don't know how to make friends. Okay, stop laughing.
I was raised in a very lonely environment and had very, very few
friends as a child. Now, as I have grown, I feel like I missed
some lesson about how things go. And I feel particularly stupid
asking for help. I am a massage therapist and have cursory
friendships with a few clients. But nothing more ever develops.
When I talk to the few people who know me well, they have no
answers. They say, "You need to go out and make new friends!" But
they don't have an answer when I ask, "How?" I admit I am shy, but
I love to do all kinds of things and go out by myself often. I've
gone to concerts, museums, gallery openings, and even into New York
City just to wander around. I make small talk, but people just
walk away.
My breath does not smell, I bathe daily, I am attractive, I smile.
I can't think of anything I do to make people turn around and go.
But I must be doing something wrong. I just don't know what. I'm
almost resorting to having my mother send me her worn-out old copy
of "How to Win Friends and Influence People."
Sheri
Sheri, the easiest place to start is by going where you are wanted.
There are a host of organizations and causes which need your help,
places where you will be missed when you are not there. All that
is asked of you is your time, your personality, and your willing
heart.
Some possibilities include teaching people to read, reading to the
elderly, or joining a book club. Hospitals are usually desperate
for volunteers, and every major disease has groups dedicated to
finding a cure. There are environmental groups, food pantries,
political parties, and community betterment groups. The list is
almost endless.
One organization we recommend is Toastmasters International. They
have clubs in more than 60 countries, and they are dedicated to
helping their members improve their speaking and listening skills.
At a Toastmaster meeting, everyone speaks.
You need not be embarrassed by your problem. One of Wayne's fellow
Toastmasters was a career army officer who was a paratrooper. He
had no fear of jumping out of airplanes, but speaking to
individuals and groups terrified him. Though personally, I can't
understand why anyone would want to jump out of a perfectly good
airplane.
Tamara |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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