Time To Speak Up |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I am my wife's third husband. As in the story "Goldilocks and the
Three Bears," I am the one who is just right. Or at least that is
what she said until six months ago.
I encouraged her to pursue her education. She graduated from
college with a teaching degree and is in her second year of
teaching. She maintains a high degree of independence. She pays
her bills, I pay mine, and she retains an ex-husband's name.
A year ago she discovered a book on nutrition and exercise. She is
37 and in good shape, but wanted to improve her looks even further.
For the past 10 months she has been religiously exercising,
dieting, and reading muscle magazines. She is now extremely well
built with a hard chiseled body.
She has always gotten attention, but I believe she is getting a lot
more now, especially from the young stud teachers. Although she
denies she is vying for attention, she just bought a major "muscle
car." Where she used to be modest, she now wears tight tops with
cleavage showing and a bare midriff. The latest? She is having
her hair dyed blond this weekend.
When I ask her why she has changed, she gets hostile. She denies
anything is going on and says I am strangling her. And by the way,
she told me, the gang from school is going skiing and she would
like to go. I am not invited. Can you help?
Tony
Tony, any single change in your wife wouldn't mean much. Put them
all together and there is only one interpretation. She is hostile
because there is no explanation for her behavior which includes
both of you.
The longer you go without confronting her, the more duped you will
feel when she leaves. You have a right to tell her what you see.
When you allow someone to put something over on you, you take two
kickings. One from them, and the one you give yourself.
Tamara
Too Fast For Conditions
I am too young to be going through all this. I should have
listened to everyone who told me not to mess around with him. I
thought because he was older he would know how to treat a girl.
To make a long story short, he took my virginity and treated me
badly. Even after we broke up, we still had sex once a week. I
guess you could say he was my first love. That's why I'm having
trouble letting go.
Yesterday he told me he broke up with his girlfriend, so I slept
with him last night. I found out today they are still a couple.
How do I tell which guys want me for how I look, and which guys see
the person I am?
Nicolette
Nicolette, the ability to recognize another's intentions is so
subtle it eludes some people for a lifetime. But it can be
learned. The most practical lessons come from experience. Coming
into contact with others sharpens our understanding of their
motivations.
That is something for your future. Right now you have two
disadvantages. One is your youth, the other is the aftermath of
being fooled. But there is one element which can compensate. That
element is time.
Time defeats newness and infatuation. Time defeats schemers. Time
is the easiest measure of what is love and what is not. There is
no reason for you to rush into sex. You could have saved yourself
oceans of pain by waiting longer.
Love builds with each memory. Love builds with each success you
share, with each hurdle you jump together. Allowing days, weeks,
and months to accumulate in your relationship gives you the basis
for judgment. Is this the man who will love me the rest of his
life? Or is this the guy who won't see me tomorrow, if I don't put
out tonight?
Wayne
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Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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