Getting The Joke |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I am a 28-year-old male married to my wife almost three years. She
brought teenage girls into the marriage. I adopted her girls and
love them as my own. Last year the youngest two, ages 16 and 17,
"decided" they are lesbians. This is something I am dead set
against.
My wife is not happy, but she is tolerant of the situation. My
feeling is one of moral conflict. One of the girls is talking
about getting married. I love her but in no way support lesbian
marriage, especially since she is discussing adoption. I brought
two young boys into the marriage and am extremely uncomfortable
having this kind of behavior around them.
I want to maintain a normal lifestyle. I do not want a lesbian
partner around on holidays, special occasions, or any other time.
However, loving my girls, I would love to have them there. My wife
thinks I am being irrational. I love my kids and my wife. What
can I do?
Daryl
Daryl, your girls have found a way to pull your chain, and they are
yanking hard. Parents need to focus on issues which are real and
immediate like school, drugs, and curfew times.
Mark Twain said, "I have had a great many troubles in my life, but
most of them never happened." You are up in arms over the
speculations of your minor children. You are close enough in age
to them that they are teasing you as they would a big brother.
In the larger scheme of things, we can't determine anyone else's
sexuality. It is difficult enough, and interesting enough, to
determine, realize, and understand our own. Your boys will not
"catch" being gay as they might catch the measles.
You can torture yourself with every wild idea the girls come up
with, or you can relax and deal with what actually occurs. We
suggest the latter.
Wayne & Tamara
Gone With The Wind
I am scheduled to be married in a month. We have a great
relationship, but six months ago my fiance told me he did not know
if he wanted a child. I know I want a child.
He is 39 and likes that we can pick up and go whenever we want. He
knows children are a lot of work. I broke up with him and told him
there was no point in me, a 32-year-old woman who wants one child,
spending her time with a man who doesn't. It is pointless. So I
drove home that night.
A week later he called and told me he was just scared. He said he
wanted a child and begged me to come back to him. He wants to wait
two years after we are married so we can spend time together. Now
about once a month, he gets into these worry spells and withdraws.
When I finally get out of him what is bothering him, it's the kid
issue.
He says he doesn't want one because by the time the kid is 10, he
will be in his fifties. Nonetheless he has agreed to have one
child. I have become very sad over this issue and told him last
weekend I couldn't marry him.
He doesn't want me to cancel our wedding plans. He says he knows
in two years we are having a kid and once the kid gets here, he
will be happy. But he can't help having fears.
Erica
Erica, your fiance is trying to talk himself into something he
doesn't want, and failing miserably. He will have a child, but he
doesn't want one. This issue is not settled.
Many people would play Scarlett O'Hara and "worry about this
tomorrow." That you didn't speaks to your strength of character.
Over and over we get letters from people who knew they shouldn't
marry, but did anyway. It always ends badly.
Wayne & Tamara
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Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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