Acting The Part |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I am a young woman who is single again after a nasty breakup with
her ex. We divorced when he suddenly realized he was
transgendered. He started the process of turning into a woman, but
a few months later, begged me on his knees to give him a second
chance. I did. When I found out "she" cheated on me, it was the
final straw.
Recovering from this traumatic experience took a long time, and I
was convinced I function best as a single gal. That is, until a
few days ago. I am a director of theatre productions and was hired
to direct a show in another city. There I met and worked closely
with the lead, a 27-year-old semiprofessional actor.
We hit it off well, but I maintained a professional and ethical
distance. Now that the show is up and running, there is no longer
a gap between business and pleasure. I will definitely be seeing
more of this guy. He is single, but I haven't the foggiest idea
how to get him to notice me, or how to read his signals.
He is handsome, funny, intelligent, and our interests coincide.
All I've noticed so far is that no matter where I am, our eyes
constantly meet. Even on opening night, when I was sitting three
rows back, he knew where I was. After the show he mentioned it.
At the cast party, he sometimes ignored two model-type beauties to
talk to me. And only me. Though I can't compete with them, I make
sure to look my best when I am around him. I am stocky with facial
features people call "handsome" when they try to be nice.
I always make sure my body language is friendly and open. I've
touched him to direct him, but we've never gone beyond a civil
handshake. I would like to be friends with this gent, and possibly
more than friends.
Amber
Amber, from an actor's point of view, the director is the person
who shines the brightest light. The director provides
opportunities, present and future. Even with the show up and
running, your relationship is still a professional one.
The actor's stock-in-trade is showing emotions and body language
which belong to another character. In pursuing him, you are not
being yourself. You are posing yourself for effect. All of this
complicates genuine interaction.
At this stage in your career, do yourself a favor by making it a
practice to decide matters on their merits. Who you hire and who
you cast should be based on who can do the job, or who is right for
the part. Don't allow yourself to take advantage of your position,
or allow others to use you to their advantage.
He is a 27-year-old man. If he's interested, he'll ask. But ask
yourself this, Does an insurance agent send you a birthday card
because he cares deeply about you, or because he wants to sell you
more insurance?
Wayne
It Happens
I went to kiss a former business associate goodbye after meeting
him for dinner. We are both married, and I accidentally kissed him
on the lips, creating a consensual "goodnight kiss." He is retired
and I need to call him for a reference, but now I am embarrassed.
What should I do?
Roseanne
Roseanne, I can absolutely picture you doing that. Being in
proximity to another man, with just the right amount of
distraction, in a familiar posture, you kiss him as you would kiss
your husband. Oh, no!
He knows you didn't mean the kiss, and you know you didn't. This
is no different from walking out of the ladies room with your skirt
tucked into your pantyhose. It's awfully embarrassing, but it
won't kill you. The sooner you let go of it and laugh it off, the
better. In a businesslike way, ask him for the reference you
need.
Tamara
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Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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