False Imprisonment |
|
| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
Three years ago my husband confessed to me face-to-face, he had an
affair with a friend of mine. It hurt me so bad, but after days of
him apologizing, saying how much he loved me and what a mistake he
made, I took him back.
Now he is controlling me. He doesn't like me to sit and talk with
my friends, or play cards with them. He wants me to stay here at
home under him. He doesn't trust me, though I never gave him
reason to doubt me.
I believe he's afraid I am going to get revenge on him. I've asked
him, but of course he denies it. He goes hunting and camping while
I stay home with the kids, but when I want to go out, he blows up.
When I reminded him I stay home so he can go out, he said he won't
hunt or camp again.
I have suggested separating for awhile and see if time apart
improves things. He said if I leave, that's it. Now I feel I need
to stay home and go nowhere just to keep him satisfied. He even
gets mad if I go to my mother's. Please help.
Millicent
Millicent, cheaters believe others cheat. Liars believe others
lie. Thieves believe others steal. Your husband thinks, "She's no
better than I am. If I could cheat, she could too."
Every day that goes by, his fear builds. He is thinking, "If she
gets away from me, she'll get even with me, and I won't even know
for sure she did it." He knows he would never forgive you what you
forgave him.
The guilty party is in control here, and he doesn't have the right.
He is acting like a jailer, and you are innocent of all crimes.
You may feel separation will give you more standing in your
relationship. If you want to exercise that option, don't let his
threat stop you.
Many books have been written about how to get past infidelity, but
our experience is that cheating always remains central to the
relationship. How do you uncrack an egg? The answer is: you
don't.
Wayne & Tamara
First Things First
I was with this guy a year. He wasn't my first, but I never knew I
was capable of such deep love. I told my friends he's an angel.
One day I visited him in the hostel, and a girl was in his room. I
didn't suspect anything because I knew they had a report to finish.
But they were so very quiet that day, like they were hiding
something. When he offered to walk me home, I asked him jokingly
if they were together. Surprise, surprise! He said, "Yes."
I thought he was pulling my leg, but after asking him repeatedly,
the truth sank in. The days after that were hell. I was suicidal.
Three months later, I am no longer suicidal, but I.well.practice
self-mutilation. I know it's wrong, but when I think about the
past, hurting myself physically seems to ease the emotional pain.
It feels good when I cut myself.
Exams are around the corner. I can't concentrate. It hurts so
much when I see them hand in hand, smiling and laughing. I used to
participate in life, now I'm an observer. I feel I'm just waiting
for death. Thanks for listening even if you don't answer.
Cindy
Cindy, when you have a known, identifiable problem like a broken
arm, you need the assistance of a trained physician. You have a
known, identifiable problem, and a trained professional can help
break you free.
Until you deal with this, it won't be possible to deal with
anything else. If the first therapist doesn't help, seek a second
or a third. Addressing this problem comes first in your life.
Don't give up, do it until it is done.
Wayne & Tamara
|
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
|
|
