Narrow Escape |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
Six months ago I met a certain man through my father. After our
introduction we talked, and he told me if I could meet him somewhere, he
wanted to tell me something important. I didn't show up because I was
afraid.
Since then not a moment goes by that I don't think of him. I have seen
him a few times, but he acts like he doesn't notice me. I am frustrated
because I am falling in love with him. I asked advice from a friend,
but she said if he was interested in me, he could have told me a long
time ago.
Whenever I see this man, I feel I am being torn apart. I don't think I
can live without him. My instinct is telling me we will be together
some day.
Carmen
Carmen, there is a big difference between instinct and second thoughts.
Your instincts told you to beware, this man's invitation sounds fishy.
Acting from instinct, you didn't show up.
Personal security expert Gavin de Becker tells people intuition is
always right in two ways. It is always in response to something and
always has your best interest at heart. "Unlike worry," de Becker says,
"intuition will not waste your time."
Acting from instinct, you didn't meet him. Now you are having second
thoughts. You say you don't think you can live without him, but what
you really can't live without is love. One of the hardest things for
people to learn is not to let their need for love override an obvious
bad choice.
Wayne
Flash Point
I answered an online personal ad posted by a man in my city. I liked
his ad, and his photograph was interesting. After several attempts to
meet, we decided to give up. To be honest, I think our interest in each
other fizzled at the same time.
Although we didn't discuss personal information, we did exchange
information about where we worked. I noticed from his e-mail address
that we both worked in the same industry. Since I work in a huge place,
I didn't think much about divulging the name of my company.
In one e-mail, he mentioned he had friends at my workplace, and they
said good things about me. One of the people he talked to was my
supervisor. I honestly wasn't trying to send this man a parting shot,
but I did tell him, in a nice way, I didn't like him asking colleagues
about me.
He fired back a venomous two page e-mail. I was shocked. Not wanting
to leave things in an uproar, I responded in a gentle, conciliatory
way. His response was shorter, but even more vicious. He called me
paranoid and neurotic, and warned me against contacting him again.
I know I'll never divulge my workplace again, but I wonder if I was
wrong to tell him how I felt? What is the protocol for a situation like
this?
Marcia
Marcia, have you seen the famous Peter Steiner cartoon about the
Internet? A dog sits on a chair at a desk, one paw on a computer
keyboard. He looks down at a dog on the floor and says, "On the
Internet, nobody knows you're a dog."
There is only one rule for a woman to follow online: don't do anything
which compromises your safety. As far as you could reasonably expect,
you did nothing wrong. If anyone at work mentions this man, laugh it
off. You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Once he flamed you, you should have left him alone. The wisest strategy
for dealing with angry, irrational people is to end contact completely.
There is no established protocol for dealing with a situation like
this. It's like going to a football game. You will rub elbows with all
kinds of people, from philanthropists to criminals. Evaluate each
person on their own merits.
Wayne & Tamara |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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