Entrapment |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
Two years ago I got out of a long-term, emotionally abusive
relationship. After it ended I decided I wanted to explore who I
am and leave relationships casual.
About this time I met a wonderful man who wanted the same thing.
This lasted for six months until he told me he loved me. I admit I
was a little stunned. Then my roommate moved out leaving me stuck
with our expensive two bedroom apartment.
I couldn't afford the place by myself, and this man offered to move
in with me. You can imagine how unsure I was about that, but
luckily we were very happy living together. We took a marvelous
trip to Europe and decided to be exclusive to one another.
We even talked about buying a house together. When we found the
house of our dreams, his father made a remarkable offer. He gave
us the total sum of the house so we could pay him off interest
free. The only condition was my name would not be on the deed
until we married.
This made me nervous, but I was not given time to think about it
before I found myself at the closing table with a man who wanted to
be my husband! I began spending time with friends, going to dance
clubs, and trying to reclaim my youth, even though I am just 22.
I met a very sweet guy who reminded me of my original intention and
made me wonder how I got so trapped. One night I ended up in his
apartment, and for the first time in my life I did something which
would destroy a relationship.
I felt horrible about violating my significant other's trust, but
it felt so liberating. All along I said I am not ready to be a
wife. He insists there is no reason I can't work through these
feelings and be happy with a commitment most people would kill
for.
If I leave I lose a house I am helping to pay for, but still have
no real right to. Am I being realistic wanting to explore life on
my own, or am I missing an appreciation for a gift given early?
How can I get out of this and still feel I made the right
decision.
Loni
Loni, this is one of the ways a person ends up married to someone
nice, someone good, but not someone they can spend their life with.
It's almost as if your boyfriend's father is offering you a dowry
to marry his son. This dowry is so attractive you are tempted to
do what you know is wrong.
This "gift" is no gift at all. It is bait in a trap. A husband is
not a fixture that comes with the purchase of real estate.
Wayne & Tamara
A Lesson Learned
I read a lot of your articles and have to say I truly enjoy them.
I am an Afrikaans speaking, 39-year-old lady who has filed for
divorce. Why? The answer is quite heavy and the explanation quite
good.
As a good Christian girl, I thought I had to work harder at our
marriage, give everything, and all would be well. But after 21
years, I just cracked. I could not take the jealousy and emotional
battering anymore.
To every woman out there that thinks you have to try, you have to
forgive and forget everything being done to you, I say we are all
just flesh and blood. Not perfect, just us. I can forgive and
forget, but that does not mean I have to stay. I deserve to be
loved. Thanks for listening.
Amia
Amia, whatever life brings you now, hold steadfast to your promise
to yourself. Make the next man one you love, and one who loves
you. Don't settle for less than the relationship you truly feel
will last a lifetime.
Wayne & Tamara |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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