Coming Of Age |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
Long ago my real father was married to another woman. My mother
knew that and gave him an ultimatum: divorce your wife, or you will
never see the child I am carrying.
Well, he tried to see me anyway, but my mother put a stop to that
when I was a year old. Recently I learned where my father lives.
I want to contact him. If I were him, I would wonder how my child
was and want to know if she was brought up with love.
The wondering eats at me. Does he wish to contact me but is afraid
what my mother told me about him? He is now 77 years old. I don't
want him leaving this world wondering, but I am afraid to do
anything about it.
My dilemma is this. I know the circumstances of my birth. My
mother and father were wrong in their affair, but I do not judge
them on that. I don't want to tell my mother if I contact him,
because I don't want to hurt her. She and I have never gotten
along because she constantly criticizes me.
I am 34, a strong person emotionally, and an optimist. My feelings
of needing to contact my father get stronger every year. I will
not be hurt if he says he isn't interested, nor will I be hurt if
you say I should leave things be. Please give me any advice you
might have.
Tabitha
Tabitha, if you let this opportunity slip by, you will regret it.
You were not a player in the emotional blackmail your mother played
on your father so many years ago. That is ancient history. You
have no obligation to continue playing this game.
You ask our permission to contact your father. You not only have
our permission, you have our encouragement. You ask permission
because you know a deadline is fast approaching. The chance for a
meeting with your father dies when your father dies.
We totally understand you don't want to hurt your mother, but she
does not have the right to dictate the course of your life, or know
all its intimate details. Many things are not shared between
parent and child, or between friends.
This is not a secret you are keeping from your mother. As a child,
you are entitled to contact with your parents. Your mother denied
your father that contact with you. You can now revoke her denial.
Wayne & Tamara
Take A Number
I met this guy a few months ago through a cousin. After going out
a few times, he told me how many girls he has slept with. He told
me even though I said I didn't want to know.
He has slept with 32 girls. In a panic I told him maybe we should
just stay friends for awhile. Since then there has been little
talk between us, but I can't get him off my mind. Everyone says he
should not have told me and that he was trying to scare me off.
I am 20, somewhat inexperienced, and he is 25. Is this something
guys usually tell girls right away? Should I tell him how I feel
about him?
Monica
Monica, not only should you not tell him your feelings, I would not
recommend sharing the same glass with this man.
Knowing someone's past sexual experience is important within
limits. When you are to the point of being intimate, you need to
know the health and risk issues involved. He is not protecting
you. He is bragging.
Your first instinct was panic. Your first instinct was right.
Don't think he is trying to scare you off. Rather he is
communicating to you that he has sex with all the girls he dates.
He is telling you what your number is. You will be number 33 on
his way to who knows how many.
Wayne |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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