Strangers In The Night |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I feel I'm dreaming. I met him in Courmayeaur in the Alps one
night. If it wasn't for my devastatingly drunk girlfriend, I would
never have met the love of my life. While I was in the ladies
room, she screamed and cursed some guy at the bar.
When I returned, my friend was being invited to calm down and have
a seat. Amongst the table, there he was with three of his friends.
He lives in the States. Perfect! He's single, even better! We
left the bar with everyone, singing at the top of the world.
The next few days my girlfriend complained I was glowing so much it
made her sick. I needed to return to Milan before going back to
New York where I currently reside. But not for long. I visited
his hometown, Chicago, and fell in love. I am moving to Chicago
regardless, because I don't want to live in New York anymore.
My business is flexible and I am able to relocate. We want to move
in together. I am going to Chicago next weekend to hunt for an
apartment. There is absolutely no doubt reflecting from any side
whatsoever. Should I worry? It's funny, I'm something of a
worrywart. Can this be normal? I'm in love!
Felicia
Felicia, we take you at your word, trusting that you have not left
out any obvious problem, like he's a bigamist with six children!
You never know how things will unfold. What if moving to Chicago
is absolutely the right thing to do, but this man only lasts three
months. Sometimes we are not aware of what our deeper purpose is,
not aware of the real meaning of events.
Wayne & Tamara
Recognizing The Enemy
I was ready to be married, but due to his career, my fiance was
not. After a bad breakup we had little or no contact for four
years.
Two years ago we began dating again, and it's been rocky the entire
time. I tried to lay down some boundaries in the beginning, and he
interpreted it as controlling. Recently I confirmed he has been
seeing someone else for over a year.
When I confronted him, he reacted with anger and defiance and said
it's my fault. She is always nice, and since I brought up his
cheating, it makes me the bad person. When I first suspected him,
I asked if he wanted us to date other people. He did not want me
dating anyone else.
Now he says, under current conditions, he doesn't want to date me
but still wants contact. I tried that but the subject of sex
always comes up. He says the reason we aren't getting married is I
won't be an unconditional friend. He claims that is the basis for
any marriage.
It hurts terribly that he could walk away from us and still want to
be friendly. How can I be kind when he has broken my heart? How
can I stop comparing myself to this other woman? She seems to be
close to perfect from his perspective. It's hard to measure up to
perfection.
Sierra
Sierra, put the blame where it belongs. On him. If you don't, you
will spend the rest of your life competing with every woman on the
planet.
I am always amazed that women blame the other woman when the real
problem is the man. It's like trying to fix a car by changing the
wrong tire, the one which isn't flat. Your problem is not with
this other woman. Your problem is him.
Someone cheated on you, lied to you, and made you feel bad. You
want to call that love. If that is love, then what do you call the
relationship which nurtures you, supports you, and inspires you?
You want to call it "love" because right now he is all you have.
Wayne |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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