Full Circle |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
My mother wants me to ask a question on her new relationship. She
left my dad and a 32 year marriage even though she is terminally
ill. I took her out on her 50th birthday, and she met a gentleman.
Since then they moved in together and are inseparable.
I see she is happier now than she was with my father. She lost a
lot, a ten-room house, her Lincoln Continental, and her personal
belongings. Today she just shrugs. She is happy, and as long as
she is happy, I think that is all that should matter.
Now she lives in a little white house with the picket fence she
always dreamed of, and there is a pond nearby where she can feed
the wild geese. For the first time she finally feels true love.
She sometimes says she misses her past lifestyle but would never
give up what she has now.
What I am frightened about is that she goes into severe depressions
for no reason at all. She says she doesn't want any pain at the
end and would rather eliminate any sorrow she has. Is this a
natural reaction?
Robin
Robin, your mother's depression and your own, which you don't
mention, have a known cause. She is dying. It is as if she is
stuck on the railroad tracks, her seatbelt jammed, and she can't
get out of the car. A train is coming, but your mother's train is
weeks or months from impact.
Instead of life passing before her eyes in an instant, she has time
to dissect everything she did, or failed to do, in life. You and
your mother are up against the absolute, up against how precious
life is. She is still alive, still reaching for love and
happiness, those things which are so important when the end is in
sight.
Conversations begin and end. We begin school and we leave school.
We start friendships, we end friendships. We get jobs and leave
jobs. We sit down for breakfast, and before we know it, it is time
for lunch.
We are constantly going from beginning to beginning, from ending to
ending. From the large to the small, change is constant. A
teacher once said, if our lives didn't end, it would be a real
problem for us.
The message we would give you is that you never give up. You don't
leave before this movie is done. You don't leave the table until
you have drained your glass. The only sin is to lose hope. You
keep living right to the end. You never stop. At the last moment,
you are still there.
Wayne & Tamara
Facing Your Demons
My fiance and I planned on getting married, but I had a gambling
and drinking problem that interfered with our relationship. He
pleaded with me to get help and stop, and he gave me several
chances over a three month period. We parted six months ago. He
was hurt because of my behavior.
I am close to his mother, my family really likes him, and we work
in the same office. I am frustrated because he won't even talk to
me. I have been going to two different churches and am currently
seeing a doctor to try to fix my problems. Because of a few
mistakes I made, he said it is over, but I want to spend the rest
of my life with him.
Marsha
Marsha, why is it the party in the wrong always asks the innocent
party to adjust themselves? Because that is what addicts do. If
you really "got it," you wouldn't be asking how to get yet another
chance. You would be more concerned with apologizing and making
amends for what you have put this man through.
Your outlook is still self-serving, a sign you haven't defeated
your addictions. Focus on yourself and curing your addictions.
Tamara |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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