Kicking Herself |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
If I had to do it over again, I would not have gotten married. My
husband and I are very passionate people. In a movie that would
mean we make wild love and have an adventurous life.
Unfortunately, in the real world, it translates into hostile fights
and unforgettable, unforgivable statements.
I have been married a little over a year and prefer to be alone. I
have no desire to spend time with him. I just like to have him
around on a Saturday night to go to a movie. I dream of being by
myself and am much happier when he travels. I am always sad when
it is time for his return.
Why did I get married? I don't know. Romantic fantasies, I guess.
The desire for children. But I never dreamed of having someone to
grow old with. I just wanted a date on national holidays and
flowers every once in awhile.
The fact is, I am married. I do not believe in divorce though I
sometimes wish I did. I love him enough to stay, but I live in
misery. I have tried the power of positive thinking, but it isn't
powerful enough.
He disgusts me. I think he is repulsive now that I am married to
him. Sometimes I don't know if I am going to go home at night, but
I always do. There is so much more to this story (telling each
other if we had to marry again, we wouldn't marry each other; sex
problems; and more). Can someone help?
Leslie
Leslie, your letter is a warning to other people. You are so
honest and so candid it is scary, but honestly there is only one
answer. Your relationship is the reason there are laws which
permit divorce.
Every day people get married just because someone asked. Every day
people get married just to move out of their parents' house. Every
day people get married just because they feel it's time. Most of
them won't admit it, but the truth of your marriage is the truth of
those marriages.
To say you could make this relationship work is to say you could
grab anyone off the street and make a relationship work with them.
Some people say love is a decision, but if love is just a decision,
then you could love any job, make any color your favorite color, or
make anyone your best friend.
We are much more than the decisions we make. There are things
which have a calling for us, things which connect to us in a way
which is not rational. That is what makes us human. When you find
the right person, it is like loving your own child. It is not a
decision. It is simply in you to do.
Wayne & Tamara
The Last To Know
My best friend's husband left her for another woman after 18 years
of marriage. I was there for her, my husband and whole family
supported her, and I got her a good job working with me so she
could support herself.
Saturday she dropped a bomb on me. She's having an affair with a
married man we work with. I had no idea. Her kids have met him,
her ex has met him, and she has taken him to social gatherings
which didn't include my family.
She said it has been going on for two years. I don't know what to
be more angry about, her doing this, or me being the last to know.
Any advice will be appreciated.
Amy
Amy, take this as the best backhanded compliment you will ever
receive. Your friend thinks you are a person of principle, a
person who wouldn't stick her neck out for a woman having an affair
with a married man. She is doing to another woman the wrong that
was done to her.
Wayne & Tamara |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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