To Be Young Again |
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| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I met my husband when I was barely 17. I was absolutely taken by
him, or I should say infatuated. He was a lot older, try 16 years
older, but I did not find that out until I had fallen in love with
him.
He lied and told me he was 30, which is still a big age difference.
I found out several months later he was actually 33. We have been
married 13 years and have two beautiful children. I've struggled
with the age difference. I feel people are always staring or
making judgments about us.
I have always looked young for my age. I am almost 32 and am still
mistaken for 19. Recently I have started to have a problem with
our relationship. Over the years I have grown up and look back a
lot. I dwell on the fact that I was so young when our relationship
started.
I often feel the only reason I am still here is because I love my
children so much. I don't want them to grow up in a divorced
family. My husband is the kindest, sweetest guy. Any woman would
be lucky to have him, but I ask myself what was he thinking when he
decided to pursue this relationship.
I look at people 16 years younger than me as kids, and I'm not even
the age he was when he met me. Please give me some advice and let
me know I'm not in a relationship that's too unhealthy.
Sylvia
Sylvia, there is more in your letter about a lost youth than there
is about an unhealthy relationship. The worst thing you are able
to say about your husband is that 14 years ago he shaved three
years off his age.
You married young. At 32 with two children, you could still pass
for 19. It almost seems possible to regain the freedom of a
19-year-old. That's the heart of the matter.
When Wayne was a teenager his parents wouldn't let him have a
motorcycle. So in his late twenties he bought one. And never rode
it. His need and interest had passed. You can't go back in time.
If you raise this issue, don't tell your husband it's his fault.
Be honest. Tell him you feel you married too young and regret it.
The discussion begins there. You can't go back, but you can add to
your life the things which are missing.
Tamara
Fool Me Once
I need your help. I have been going out with this guy for five
months now. He is a very nice person, he treats me well, and we
have fun together.
The main problem is recently he lied to me. We were supposed to
meet, but he did not appear. He claimed he was carjacked. He has
keys to my house, so he went and took money and pretended the
carjackers did it.
I want to forgive him but I'm not sure what to do. He asked for
forgiveness and promised that this incident will never be repeated.
Can I trust him again?
Benita
Benita, he is a liar and a thief. Why would you believe this man
when he promises not to do it again and asks for forgiveness?
This is like Aesop's fable of the scorpion and the frog. When the
two met on the bank of a river, the scorpion asked the frog for a
piggyback ride across the stream. "How do I know you won't sting
me?" said the frog. "Because if I do," replied the scorpion, " I
will die too. I cannot swim."
This seemed to make sense to the frog. Midway across the stream
the scorpion stung the frog. "Why?" moaned the frog. "Because I
can't help myself," replied the scorpion. "It's my nature."
Benita, leave forgiveness to a higher power. You don't need to be
this man's frog.
Wayne |
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com.
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