A Bride's Worst Nightmare |
|
| Direct Answers from Wayne and Tamara |
I need some serious advice. My boyfriend Jack and I met our senior
year in college. After graduation we continued our relationship
even though we live an hour apart.
Last Christmas Jack surprised me with an engagement ring. Jack's
family and I are very close. In fact, I am the godmother of his
sister's first child. Every weekend we have all been working
together to get things ready for our June wedding. Jack and I talk
about how lucky we are to have each other.
Last week I received a phone call around ten in the morning. Jack
told me he was feeling scared and didn't think he could see himself
with me three years from now. Later that night Jack called back to
say he was sorry, he couldn't go through with the wedding.
As you can imagine, I freaked out. When I asked him why, he
responded with, "I don't know." The next day we took off work and
met at a hotel to talk. The first few hours we sat at a table and
talked about all the positive things in our relationship. I kept
waiting to hear something bad but nothing was ever said.
As the night progressed, we wound up in bed and he held me tighter
than ever before. Over and over he told me how much he loved me.
After we made love, he wouldn't let go of me. He kept telling me
how beautiful I am, and how much he loved me. Next morning I woke
to him putting his clothes on. He told me he loved me once again,
but he needed to be by himself.
After a few days without hearing from him, I got an email from Jack
saying all the wedding plans needed to be canceled. I was so
confused and upset. Many angry phone conversations took place
after that email.
He doesn't want to see me or work on our relationship. He wants to
be phone friends, and I am sick over this. I don't understand what
happened. His family is upset but naturally they have to stand
behind their son.
I lost my best friend, a family, and the love of my life. What do
I do at this point? Do you think he just got scared and will come
back around? How do I deal with this?
Ann
Ann, people act as if there is a single thing called "wedding day
jitters." Everyone nervous about getting married is lumped into
one category.
Actually there are two groups of people. The first group feels the
excitement of something they have never done before, something
which is a major permanent change in life. It is like the
butterflies actors feel before a performance. The last thing they
want to do is cancel the event.
The second group of people doubts marriage is a good idea for them.
Many of them know they are making a mistake, but they lack the
strength to stop things. Jack knew how much turmoil this would
cause, yet he still put on the brakes. If this crash had come
later, after you married, the consequences would have been much
worse.
The way to handle this is by facing it directly. Don't apologize
or act embarrassed. Contact the people you need to contact. Make
your phone calls, write your letters, cancel reservations, and take
things back. Facing things and making a clean break helps you move
forward.
You had a picture of yourself as a bride, living somewhere else,
doing other things. Now you have a new future to build. You have
a right to feel angry and hurt, but in time, like many events in
life, this will fade to insignificance. This event doesn't define
you.
Avoiding a disaster doesn't have a negative impact on your life.
It has a positive impact on your life.
Wayne & Tamara
|
Wayne and Tamara Mitchell are the authors of YOUR OTHER HALF.
Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or
e-mail: DirectAnswers@echowork.com. |
|
